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We’ve all been there. That one jacket that you just can’t bring yourself to give away, even though you wore it only once at a college party. Those expensive boots that you still promise yourself you’ll wear someday. We’ve all had clothes we just can’t let go of from our closet.
I’m the last to judge. Most of my life, I’ve been a grade A hoarder. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I began to accept the idea of letting stuff go.
First off, letting go of stuff is a process. It is also a personal choice, and a personal journey. Some might find it relatively easy to give away things, while others might feel intense guilt. Neither makes you a superior or inferior person.
At the same time, piling up of unnecessary clothes is one of the prime causes of closet mess – which is now scientifically seen to have a direct correlation with women’s mental health.
If you are here, I believe you too find it hard to let go of clothes from your closet – without feeling guilty.
In this article, I will share my journey of how I learnt to let clothes go, and help you move on from “stuff guilt” – by sharing what has worked for me.
What is the Guilt You are Feeling
Before I talk about how to overcome “stuff guilt”, it’s important to first understand a little bit about guilt.
Leon F Seltzer of Psychology Today writes,
“It’s essential to determine just when feelings of guilt are rationally based and when they’re more or less arbitrary—not grounded in fact, and so needlessly self-punishing. Obviously, if you’ve caused an innocent person harm, or failed to help someone in crisis when it would have been easy enough to do so, it would be unethical not to experience a few pangs of remorse….
Writers on this subject have talked about the importance of distinguishing between rational, or “productive,” guilt and guilt that’s inordinately self-critical—and gratuitous. Such unjustified guilt has been linked to needless emotional suffering and self-loathing”
In other words,
unless your actions have actually caused some tangible harm, it is likely the guilt you are feeling is unproductive and unjustified.
Basically, the guilt you are feeling serves no one. Least of all you, because it pulls you into negative self-talk, inaction and feelings of unworthiness.
It’s important to first rationally recognise your guilt and then acknowledge that it serves no productive purpose.
Why We Feel Guilty About Letting Stuff Go
Sometimes we may theoretically understand that feelings of guilt are actually causing us harm, but we’re still not able to move past them.
At this point it can be helpful to understand and identify the root causes or triggers.
Why do I really feel guilty about letting that little black dress go? What bothers me about giving away that old college sweatshirt?
The idea is to investigate and observe, not judge. As you delve into the reasons, try to consciously be compassionate and gentle with yourself.
There are the few reasons that may be causing guilt, when it comes to letting clothes go from your closet.
I’ll quickly go over each, and then talk about how to move past these feelings.
We Fear We’ll Lose the Memories
A lot of our clothes are associated with events, with loved ones, with a time we want to look back on.
The first thing to remember is that memories exist within us, not within our stuff.
You’re just letting go of that dress, not of the great time you had at your prom.
Just giving away those heels, not the memory of dancing the night away at your wedding.
We’re Guilty We Paid So Much
We all have some prized, expensive stuff in our closets. Maybe we really saved up for it. Maybe we were raised to be a mindful spender.
Money can be a potent and pervasive reason to keep holding on to things we no longer even wear.
We’re Not Ready to Say Goodbye to a Certain “Us”
There are certain clothes that become more than clothes. They become our identity. We attach a bit of ourselves to them, and that makes it really hard to let go.
If I let go of my old leather pants, does that mean I’m no longer the rock-concert-loving chick I once was?
If I trash my college miniskirt, does that mean I’ll never be confident enough to go all hot-girl-summer again?
We’re Afraid of Uncertainty or Scarcity – “What if I Need it Someday?”
Fear of an imagined future scenario can feel very real. No matter how far-fetched or imaginary it is. We might come up with all sorts of cases where we might just need to dig out and wear that old hat, that patchwork jacket, that swimming sarong.
Deep-down, this probably arises from a hard-wired fear of hoarding for a crisis or for future survival.
We Were Raised To Not Be A Waster
Our upbringing can play a major role in influencing life decisions and core behavior. Our parents may have come from a modest upbringing and we may have subconsciously learnt to avoid waste, in order to evade judgement, derision or even punishment.
This could lead to us resisting the urge to trash or give away things – even if they may be of better use to someone else.
How to Move On from ‘Stuff Guilt’
Be Wary of Negative Self-talk
Guilt often arises from low self-esteem and self-criticism. Sometimes when you open up your closet to declutter, you can go into a spiral of negativity.
Why do I buy things on an impulse?
Why did I spend so much money?
Why can’t I stop hoarding stuff and just be organized?
The fact is, this inner monologue is not helpful.
It doesn’t solve anything. It only makes you feel worse.
So the next time you go down this negative spiral, catch yourself.
Take a breath. Try to shift focus from judgment to creating space.
The idea is just to be a bit self-aware.
Don’t beat yourself up, because then you are going down the same unproductive spiral. That spiral can paralyse you from taking constructive action.
Instead try to detach your sense of self, your emotions from what’s in front of you. Just observe things for what they are.
Alright. So there are clothes in this closet that are no longer of use to me. What steps I take from this moment on?
Focus on Abundance Instead of Scarcity
One of the things that truly helped me during the process of letting clothes go from my closet was a fundamental shift in focus.
Instead of what to throw, I focussed on what to keep.
This immediately made me feel happy about all the lovely things in my wardrobe that I owned, all the possibilities and the looks that I could create. I also realized how much I actually have, and I had so much stuff I loved!
And once that happened, I didn’t feel a lack of anything. Giving things away just felt like a smart edit to my wardrobe, where I just kept the things I truly loved.
Remind Yourself that You Are More Than Your Stuff
Your personality, your memories come from within you, not from stuff you buy.
You have the power to make new memories, to keep old ones alive.
You can be that rock-chick from your college days, even today, even in a plain white T and denims.
Accept that the Money’s Long Gone
Here’s a simple truth that can be helpful: the money is long gone. Poof.
It will stay gone, whether you keep those expensive boots that bite or whether you give them away.
And if giving it away brings you peace (and happy feet) in the long term, you’d have actually gained something.
Allow Yourself Permission to Change
Moved past your dainty-dress phase? That’s okay.
You may have hard time accepting having moved on, but once you do – you’ll find it can be quite liberating.
The beauty of change is the promise of new possibilities and experiments.
You can change, your choices and tastes can change.
It’s okay to be okay with that. And it’s okay to let that summer dress go.
Ask Yourself if it Makes You Happy
Marie Kondo’s golden rule isn’t a golden rule for nothing.
It’s quite simple, really.
Keep only the stuff that really, truly brings you joy.
Ask When You Last Wore It
This one is simple, practical, effective.
If you haven’t worn it in a year, you probably never will.
Let it go!
Make a ‘Maybe’ Pile
Still not okay to go cold-turkey and let go of a few clothes from your closet?
Put it in a ‘maybe’ pile, pack it out of sight for a while, and see how you feel.
If after a little vacation you found you’ve missed it, feel free to keep it.
If you didn’t, you already know you won’t use it.
So those were a few things that have helped me overcome feelings of guilt and accept the idea of letting stuff go.
Hopefully, some of this helps you to understand “stuff guilt” better and that you’re better equipped to give things away and clear out your closet – so you can make way for the new!
If you are interested a full closet declutter – you may want to follow my closet declutter journey where I break down the steps to completely unload and re-organize my closet.
